How do you make BEEF Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Depresso.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What’s black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
“Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.
“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.” “Great. Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer.
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning
No, I say. I just bring her some coffee.
